Samsara

Hello Blog,
It's been sometime since the last time, I guess I twitter too much to really sit down and type out a blog, but I can't just keep thinking about all this stuff. Most of you who know me know that I'm usually very upbeat and outgoing, lately I haven't been feeling like myself, I've been kinda losing faith in things that I've always thought would be there for me. First things with my band are not where they should be, we were hit with a great deal of bad luck earlier this year that unfortunately sidelined us as a band, dealing with two members leaving back to back and our front man freaking out and calling off all plans leaves me to believe that I need to start thinking of a backup plan. It breaks my heart to think that the one thing that I've worked so hard for for so long is crumbling right beneath me, I almost feel helpless but I have to remember that I am not the band, the band is a group of individuals who come together to make magic happen, right now magic ain't happening sad to say. If things couldn't have gotten worse, my girlfriend of three years+ breaks up with me out of the blue, now I'm not gonna say that she didn't try leaving me before, but this time was by surprise, she told me some stuff that really hurt my feelings (yeah, I have some of those) and I didn't want to talk to her for a few days just to cool down and not be so upset, but I guess it was too much for her and she decided to break up with me after only two days, now I loved this girl as much as almost any girl I've loved but she was different, we were best friends, and I hate to think that I lost someone I love, when talking to her over the phone yesterday I realized that we are no longer friends, I thought we could be mature about this but she called the final shot and said "it's better if we not talk" which either means she can't be an adult about it or it means she found someone to waste her time with. I never thought I would miss her as much as I do but I'm here up at 6am typing a blog cuz I feel alone (I actually am) but I hate feeling this way, I'm too used to being around people, it makes me feel helpless feeling so alone. I know this is some type of depression and its a mental type of issue, but this is me at the moment, and I need help dealing with it, now I don't want anyone to think that I'm bitter, sensitive, emo, or whatever you call it, say what you will, this is me and how I feel. I will go away one day, I'll find an amazing girl and I'll forget all about this chick, but I am generally happy and more then willing to hang out, for now I must deal with it.